Teh Tarik Master drinks Milo Dinosaur: becomes a dinosaur.
Updated: Jul 26, 2018
The parasitic infection caused by the protozoan scelerisquematth dinosaurum is a relatively unknown disease. Despite its anonymity, however, this infection causes devastating effects. The only known case in Malaysia involves famous teh tarik maker, Mohammad Al-Shshay Al-Mashub, who was the eight-time champion of the South-East Asian Foodlympics, and is well known for “pulling” 5 cups of tea at one go. Mohammad’s case is the most extreme case of scelerisquematth dinosaurum infection to be seen so far. As he was not able to talk or write, due to the length of his arms, his wife translated his growls and roars for us:
“I don’t know how this happened. I was hanging out at the mamak after work, and decided to have some Milo instead of teh tarik for a change. My friend Barta bet me RM50 to drink a Milo Dinosaur. It was basically raw Milo powder scattered on top of the drink. It was an easy enough challenge, a quick RM 50, but now… I have never regretted anything more in my life,” he says, looking devastated.
Close friend and colleague, roti canai maker Barta Zayt, five-time gold medalist in the roti canai tossing event, shared in his friend’s sorrow, stating that “He was once the best among all of us, a source of pride to Malaysia’s mamak institution. We were champions!
Since he started developing scales on his body, he was never the same. He couldn’t “pull” tea like he used to before. And then, his arms retracted, and his fingers became claws. We lost all hope then,” adding that he stopped participating in roti canai tossing events, as he, too, cannot overcome the shock of what befell his friend.
Now the friends are running a small stall, which is just a concrete slab by the roadside. “Mohammad tends to be quite clumsy, and has broken a few pushcarts and tables. He was not used to having a large tail. As a matter of fact, he still isn’t used to it,” said Mohammad’s wife, wiping away her tears as she watches her husband try to take a sip of tea from his cup, which can’t quite reach is mouth due to his T-Rex-like arms, while their son rolls his eyes at both of them and goes to fetch his father a straw.
“Mohammad is trying his best to adapt to his condition, and even tries to ‘pull’ tea again, but… well, you can see what happens,” Barta said, referring to Mohammad’s current attempt to make teh tarik, which he ended up pouring all over the floor, missing the cup.
The Reptile and Avian Welfare Research (RAWR) are racing against time to develop a cure before Mohammad completely gives in to the reptile slowly taking over him.
“We may not be able to revert Mohammad back to human form; the infection has gone too far into his lymphatic system. But at least he won’t be eating his kids,” leading Jurassic herpetology research scientist Professor Vimelea Magonjwa stated.